In our society, being weak is many times looked down upon; but the truth is that once we accept our own weaknesses, vulnerabilities and shortcomings, we then open up a pathway for them to be healed, released and integrated; meaning that we actually transform the energy in the process, and what was once labeled as bad and that we tried to push as far away as possible from ourselves, can now become an integral part of ourselves.

The thing is, that if you try to deny your own weakness, or try to hide it away, or pretend that it doesn’t exist, you are actually pushing against it (in resistance) and using up a whole lot of your personal energies to do that. But if you allow yourself to feel into what makes you feel weak, and process those emotions, then you will get much stronger as you’ll have regained a huge amount of your own personal energies that were previously used to fight against that particular weakness or vulnerability. You will also have healed the initial wound and trauma that created the feeling of weakness in the first place. Now this may take a little bit of time and sometimes also requires the help of a skilled professional, but it definitely is a relief when you have gone through the whole process.

The way people deal with your own weaknesses and vulnerabilities when you bring them up can usually tell you more about them than about your own self, because by acknowledging your own weak points, you are also reminding them of their own weakness and vulnerability and that can be dead scary if they were raised in a family where being weak or vulnerable was not ok or if their current direct environment reflects that belief. So they’ll deal with your own vulnerability the way they deal with their own. If they are used to deny them, they’ll deny yours and probably will tell you that what you are experiencing is not a big deal and that you shouldn’t concentrate on it. If they’ve labeled it as something that is bad, they’ll probably push you away because they don’t want to be anywhere close to their own weakness or feel what it feels like. If they are ashamed of it, they may try to shame you in the process or make you feel bad in one way or another for having that weakness or vulnerability and showing it to them, and so it goes on…

Not that long ago, I was going through a difficult moment myself. During my dance class, one person asked me why I was not participating in the end of year event. I started answering her question, but as I did so, my body started to become very weak as if it was about to break down and a few tears started coming up. She started to become very agitated and the first thing that came through her mouth was: “Be strong woman!” (Obviously, for that person, being vulnerable is not ok and should not be allowed). I didn’t really answer anything because it wasn’t the right place to answer and explain myself, but in my mind, I just went like: “I don’t want to be strong and pretend that I’m not feeling that pain or that it’s not important. I want to feel that pain (which at the time, I didn’t have a clue of what it was or where it was coming from – the cause of it was very well hidden in my unconscious) so that I can release it out of my body. I don’t want my body to continue manifesting physical symptoms so that I can experience the pain that I’ve been numbing and trying to avoid feeling for many many years (if not lifetimes!) I want my body to be healthy and to heal itself!”

The point being that at this point in time, I had been avoiding to feel some uncomfortable feelings. I didn’t know what they were (because I had been numbing them for a very long time) but I had been sort of fighting against them; trying to push them away from me because I just didn’t know why I was feeling that way and I even less knew how to deal with them and stop the pain.

However, this behavior only brought me more pain, more struggle and more specifically, on that occasion, a succession of physical symptoms, because the truth is, that as we are fighting against what we don’t want to feel, whether it is a weak part of ourselves, some dark feelings or a negative emotion that we hold onto (that we have labeled as bad and thus “shouldn’t be feeling”, and are then not allowing ourselves to feel, because good people simply don’t do that), then  we are losing tremendous amounts of our own energy in that fight (and resistance) which can, in certain cases, lead to illnesses.

So, when we release that tension and resistance, and give into the emotions and feelings that we are trying to avoid feeling, then we allow ourselves to heal and reclaim that part of ourselves that we have pushed very far away from ourselves; and in the process, we regain the energy we lost when the original trauma occurred.

Healing those parts of ourselves can be challenging sometimes as it requires us to look at what we may have been trying to avoid looking at and avoid feeling for a very long time which can be very scary and terrifying at times.

We need to be very courageous in order to go into those kinds of emotions and sometimes this requires the help of a therapist, healer or coach in order to help us go through that particular patch of our life. Once we have been there ourselves it becomes much easier for us to hold space for people when they are themselves going through a difficult time.

What about you? What is your attitude towards weakness? What are your beliefs around vulnerability and weakness? How do you treat yourself when you are going through some challenging moments that bring up some feelings of vulnerability and weakness? How do you treat others when they are going through those kinds of moments? Is there anything you could change in the way you treat yourself or others in those moments?

With much love, light and gratitude,

Noëlie Ceyral